My Poems

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Published on Oct 14, 2015

Poems by Thai Ta: 5 bài thơ Vô Vi / 1. Spring cleaning 2. Watching “Young Goethe in Love” 3. No more 4. Comment on a myspace.com photo 5. Bite me 6. I am the internet 7. Déjà-vu 8. Don’t die my love 9. El nino blues (song: Sorry seems to be the hardest word of all) 10. Found 11. Fractal love (song: Je t’appartiens) 12. If I die 13. Perspectives 14. (song: Anniversary Song) In love 15. Just because 16. Leaf (song: The Falling Leaves) 17. Life in a day 18. Of you 19. Looking 20. From where I stand 21. Once again 22. Wordless truth 23. Meditation on a lost love 24. I wish 25. Once given 26. Out (song: How can you mend a broken heart) 27. Over 28. Choose 29. Sweet friend 30. The next chapter 31. This time I’ll run 32. What God says 33. The winged sun 34. The alien within 35. WWJD (What would Jesus do) 36. New World Order 37. Sleepless (Việt translation by Hoàng Mai Đạt) 38. Be happy (Việt by HMĐ) 39. Promise (Việt by HMĐ) 40. Heartache 41. Chàng thơ 42. Thu về 43. Yêu thầm 44. Đối diện 45. Mê 46. Một mình ngày lễ 47. Mượn vay 48. Ngán 49. Như đá vô tri 50. (song: Người đi qua đời tôi) Đường này 51. Em khều anh 52. Trễ hẹn 53. Già rồi 54. Lại buồn 55. Than 56. Thơ chúc xuân 2014

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PLAYLIST: MY POEMS / THAI TA

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51thai4447

Thai Ta, October 2015

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Thơ Tạ Thái

Lục Bát Tạ Thái

my poems 1996

my poems 2011

Thơ Tạ Thái (tự do)

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To Go:    cho tôi $2 bạc phước  /  $3 đắng cay, $3 muộn phiền  /  chắc thêm $5 chán ngán  /  nè, sầu này mới hay cũ?  /  gói giùm $2 luôn đi  /  tôi cần $10 tình thương  /  hoạn nạn mua hai tặng một  /  phải không?  để coi  /  còn đủ bạc lẻ  /  50c dại khờ  /  đại khái  /  đại khái…  /  một tuần làm thơ  /  gói kỹ giùm  /  kẻo đổ.  ///  2000

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Toán:    một cuộc tình cộng lại  /  để coi… hai con người  /  trăm cái hôn?  có thể  /  một ngàn lời mật ngọt  /  tám, chín lần cãi nhau  /  ba cuộc đi chơi xa  /  mỗi tuần đi chơi gần  /  mỗi cuối tuần ân ái  /  (lâu lâu thêm giữa tuần)  /  mấy lần anh trên em?  /  mấy lần em trên anh?  /  mấy lần em giả bộ?  /  tình yêu được mấy điểm  /  trong sổ cuộc đời mình  /  cộng hoài mà con số  /  cuối cùng ra dấu trừ  /  cả triệu giây đã mất  /  ai trả lại bây giờ  /  thôi thì nợ xí xóa  /  để coi… mình hơi lỗ  /  trăm kỷ niệm còn đẹp  /  rõ nét được bao lâu  /  hai con người chia hai  /  một khoảng không to quá!  ///  2000

read more:    https://thaita.wordpress.com/tho-ta-thai/

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Thơ Về:    Dòng thơ tôi của hôm nay  /  Dòng thơ tôi của ngày mai chào mừng  /  Từ lâu lòng chợt dửng dưng,  /  Từ lâu ngôn ngữ ngập ngừng, biết sao?!  /  Cũng cay đắng, cũng ngọt ngào  /  Nói thì biết nói gì đâu nên dừng  /  Hôm nay bỗng thấy… trẻ trung  /  Bèn gom vần, chữ thả vùng trăng hoa  /  Nhớ không dòng thơ hôm qua  /  Ngày mình sống giữa ngân hà tinh mơ  /  Ngày thơ còn hãy là thơ  /  Và tin yêu sáng rực bờ mắt, môi  /  Vui, không cần ép mình vui  /  Và buồn có tới thì mời buồn đi  /  A…!  Ngày mình chẳng biết gì  /  Đời còn đẹp,  /  Thoáng rung mi qua rồi  /  Sáng này, một sáng đẹp trời  /  Mời thơ trở lại, thơ cười tôi vui!  ///  1998

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Ngán:    Một mảnh vườn, một mảng trời  /  Tôi ngồi đọc sách tôi cười vu vơ  /  Con bươm bướm trắng tình cờ  /  Bay ngang vương vãi phấn mờ bụi tan.  ///  Căn phòng trơn, chiếc giường đơn  /  Ra vô, di chuyển trăm lần giống nhau  /  Cần địa bàn biết hướng nào  /  Tối ngồi thiền định mong vào Thiên Thai.  ///  Ngủ ban đêm, làm ban ngày  /  Cuộc đời tôi chỉ thế này, lặng thinh  /  Sống một mình, chết một mình  /  Share phòng dễ, muốn share tình khó hơn.  ///  Tự do trong nỗi cô đơn  /  Trong thành phố đã chán chường từ lâu  /  Động đất đâu?  Tận thế đâu?  /  Kỷ nguyên mới đã bắt đầu, chao ôi!  ///  Một khoảng không, một khoảnh đời  /  Tôi thầm thì hát vài lời bâng quơ  /  Con nhền nhện nó giăng tơ  /  Còn tôi mãi cứ như chờ đợi ai.  ///  2000

read more:    https://thaita.wordpress.com/tho-ta-thai/luc-bat/

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Chia Tay:    Hiền, thật hiền, người nhìn tôi  /  Buồn, thật buồn, tôi cúi đầu  /  Chậm, thật chậm, người thở dài,  /  “Bây giờ, ta đi đâu?”  ///  Quá khứ ở sau lưng, không màu  /  Tương lai dài trước mặt, lung linh  /  Hiện tại nhịp đập tim, hối thúc  /  “Ta còn nửa cuộc tình.”  ///  Sao mới gọi là đủ?  /  Nhận hoài mà vẫn thiếu  /  Yêu nhiều, yêu rất nhiều  /  Ghét không ghét bao nhiêu.  ///  Ngần ngừ tôi ngẩng mặt  /  (Sẽ nhớ mắt này, mũi này, miệng này)  /  Người ngó lơ cảm nhận,  /  “Có lẽ mình nên chia tay.”  ///  Nhạt nhòa, này, một dòng lệ  /  Mặn mà máu liệm lưỡi mềm  /  (Sẽ quên ngàn lần ân ái)  /  “Đừng yêu ai nhiều hơn em.”  ///  1999

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Thơ Ngắn:    thơ ngắn  /  thơ dài  /  thơ mỏng  /  thơ dầy  /  thơ vơi  /  thơ đầy  /  thơ đây, tôi viết  /  không hay không biết  /  đời chẳng cần thơ  /  người không thì giờ  /  mà mơ với mộng  /  sống thì vẫn sống  /  nhăn răng  /  thơ cười  /  thơ siêng  /  thơ lười  /  vụng về  /  vần điệu  /  thơ tôi  /  xong rồi!  ///  1999

read more:    https://thaita.wordpress.com/tho-ta-thai/tudo/

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https://thaita.wordpress.com/tho-ta-thai/poetry-3/

https://thaita.wordpress.com/tho-ta-thai/poetry-2011/

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Spring Cleaning / Thai Ta, April 2013: dried bodhi tree leaves / crisp as potato chips / ready to be swept away / like unwanted memories / santa ana winds / spring cleaning / time to put away / childish things.

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Breath / Thai Ta, March 2013: A part of me still aches / Whenever I think of you / Not too often, for our sakes / We both chose not to choose. /// Strange how the heart wants / What it refuses to accept / And we’re too late for the dance / The last guest had left. /// Maybe it’s just old age / But whenever I think of you / Your smile, your voice, hands, face… / Seem to have faded from view. /// Will you remember me? / Will you forget? Forgive? / Strange how the heart could ache / Even when the breath had ceased.

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Watching “Young Goethe in Love” / Thai Ta, March 2013: in another life / I will love you / tenderly / as the early morning’s sigh / upon the fragile dew /// do we need words / to build our theater of dreams? / where scene after scene / something ethereal / has revealed itself to be / almost solid /// like a touch / a kiss / at times ghostly / a warm vibration / somewhere near our hearts / but not quite /// maybe in another region / another realm / another time / had I loved you, I wonder / in another life?

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Of You / Thai Ta, October 2012: I am the sorrow of you / I am the nakedness underneath your costume / Your skin and bones / Your DNAs, your atoms / And even that something else far beyond / That vibrates whenever you think of, / Speak of, dream of, sing of / A love / A name / Perhaps an image / Too fast to analyze, who, what, why? / A phantom memory / A prophetic vision / I am the reason of you / The freedom (or is it the prison) of you / “Let go of my Eggo” / Let go of your ego / I am the mirror of you / The theater of you / So step in the spotlight / Get over your stage fright / For God’s sake, smile! / Play till the end / With the essence of me and / The joy of you.

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TEARS OF THE SEA / Thai Ta, May 1984

(my original poem in Vietnamese, Lệ Biển translated by Nguyễn Quốc Vinh)

The sea holds in its caress an unending epic, / mixed with the doleful sound of seagulls on their spread wings sweeping through the last patch of scattered light. / In long strides on the sand – human footprints continually effaced by waves upon waves – / I walk on, as if in a dreamy trance.

Tonight will be a night of glory! / My friends’ skills at make-up will make me shed my hull. / With a bit of cream smooth upon my countenance, / With exotic colors harmonious over my eyes, / With a touch of powder on my cheeks, a dash of rouge on my lips, / With clothing flashy in its garishness, / With a long stream of hair caressing my shoulders, / I will exude such radiance as a butterfly emerging from its cocoon, / and such aristocratic elegance as a swan sporting jade-white wings.

Tonight, / amidst a soiree ball sparkling with lights, reverberating with music I will… / take the dainty steps of a damsel across the wide threshold, / through rows of tables, before countless yearning eyes, over hushed admiration and gossip. / I will show a most radiant smile and throw myself to dance the rhythms / sometimes slow, sometimes fast, / of a sinuous tango. / Packed tight around me are faces / some familiar, some unfamiliar, / Packed tight around me are couples / Some young, some old.

Tonight will be a night of glory. / I will sit silent like a stone statue, listening quietly to a sad song / and chuckle to myself upon having discovered someone singing praise to my unique, extraordinary comportment. / To myself I call my name, my name (?) / and philosophize, / “Life is a string of dramas.”

Tonight will be a night of glory? / I will take mental note of the loves in my life and add them up to a distasteful zero. / I will remember those people I have loved in silence, in desperation, in bitterness, in disgrace, / those times I have made a fist in protest against a hallowed force that toys with misadventure. / “O my soul, after nights of anguish, / please take leave of my body — / in utter disregard for heaven / or hell.”

The sea continues in its caress of an unending epic, / mixed with the murmurs of my weary heart. / A drop of sea water hangs over the corner of my eye, / a twitch of the trembling lips…

Tonight, / when the rouge and powder will have gone smeared what will I have left… / except the body of a boy?!

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ONCE GIVEN / Thai Ta, November 1985

Received or rejected / Once given, it’s gone / The heart, no longer protected / Bears its fate alone. // Lies or deceiving truth / Once whispered, it’s heard / The reply is but… / Not a single word.

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FROM WHERE I STAND / Thai Ta, May 1993

From where I stand / Life is an endless road / Not that I haven’t traveled far / But the journey seems long / Because…

Should I tell you about my search / Inward, outward, upward, downward / For some sense of who I am / And from where I came.

Often I wonder – with all imagination, intuition, and a bit of logic – / About the very first instant I was created / A spark among sparks of life / From God and of God / Eons, eons ago / It must have been thrilling, that exciting awakening! / Did I think to myself — or ask my sibling selves – / Where will we go? / What should we do? / Eternity, such concept! / An endless road / The journey’s just started…

From where I am, / Reunion with my Creator seems so impossible / The countless incarnations, transformations, experiences have made me a desperate soul / Imperfect / A tainted spirit / Yet always, this yearning for Love, / for Home, For God.

Now that there are zillion worlds and beings and complications and laws and whathaveyou / I feel lost. / Lonely. Forgotten. / Will God miss me if I don’t make it to Reunion? / Does God care?

Of course God cares, I should know better / From where I stand, nothing really matters / Except… / March on! / One foot in front of the other / March on.

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THIS TIME, I’LL RUN / Thai Ta, August 1993

There are times / When I remember to look up / To see clouds chasing clouds on a canvass of blue / Times when I feel my own breath / So gentle, so foreign / And I think of You.

Tell me once more about the sunlight / How it touches everyone without discrimination / How the rain washes all dirt / From everything without hesitation.

The sky above where angels mingle / The breath I borrow that one day I’ll return / When I think of You, my Lord / My eyes burn.

Have You not granted me the world / And miracles, blessings, and above all, Love? / Have I offered in return / Promises, more promises, and what of my love?

Yet, tell me once more about the Path / That’s narrow and less traveled / Ask me to hurry, to come home / This time, I’ll run!

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ECLIPSE / Thai Ta, November 1993

I saw the moon this morning / Still round, still intact after the total eclipse last night / I saw the sun / Bursting its brilliant light.

Out there, I know, lives a mystery / Since Beginning, until the End / A wondrous entity A friend.

Beyond the grinding machinery called living / There must be more, gotta have more / A meaning / Of what all this is for.

I saw myself this morning / Caught. Struggling. Help, please! / I saw myself / Yet, I couldn’t really be.

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BLESSED NIGHT / Thai Ta, March 1994

In endless nights, I’ve tried to find / That piece of me, that peace of mind / Be still my soul, be still my heart / Nothing matters, here, in the dark.

A million times, I’ve cried Your name / A thousand lives, lessons, the same / Be free my self, be free my selves / Break the cycle, break all the spells!

One day soon, old doubts erased / In darkness, I’ve found solace / One day I’ll learn about the truth / Blessed night, when I find You.

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OUT / Thai Ta, May 1994

Mama! This is my man / We have a lot in common, he and I / A love for theatre, music, and dance, spicy Thai food, and pizza with everything / He’s a bit serious / I’m a bit careless at times / Don’t know what’s appropriate, what’s not / But here he is, so nervous meeting you / Here I am… / Mama! D’you approve?

Oh Papa, tell me again! / How it hurts when you lose your woman / The age-old pain / Must have felt the same / I still love my woman, y’see / Maybe I’m a fool, but I really thought she was the one, oh God, let her be the one! / Her smile had this power, still does, that made me skip a heartbeat / Made me long to kiss that flower.

Mama! This is my man / We have a lot in common, he and I / A love for each other, same taste in clothes / He loves my moustache, but can’t grow one / And I adore his eyes, so expressive / Two black holes, black holes used to be suns, y’know?

Papa, it hurts so bad / Nothing helps, and don’t tell me it should hurt less / ‘Cause it’s not real, my love for her / Perhaps it should hurt more / ‘Cause I’m a woman, yeah, a woman feels more.

Family! This is my life / (louder) THIS IS MY LIFE / Not just some alternative lifestyle!

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LEAF / Thai Ta, August 1994

A green leaf sang / In my dream last night / Look at me / I’m one I’m million I’m none / A manifestation of forces / Done and undone / May I share with you a secret / Whispered to me by the wind, or God’s breath? / In the core of humanity / Exist / Seeds of paradoxical dualities, unparallel beauty… / In the heart of God / Forever / Loneliness.

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MONK / Thai Ta, September 1994

A lesson? — He asked, gently / No child, I have none to offer / Perhaps one, just this one thought / Breathe in / Breathe out / Contemplate on the nature of nothingness / My mother smiled thankfully / For words of wisdom from a Buddhist monk standing in a quiet corner near Phat Tai Supermarket / For blessing, my mother wanted me to give the monk a dollar / But I couldn’t.

When I wanted to a few days later I went back / To where the strange monk stood, / And where my mother took off her shoes before respectfully approaching / He wasn’t there / Yet, I felt a lesson / Of reaching up / Reaching down / Reaching in / Reaching out / Of how we live between two eternities / Flying round the sun a few dozens revolutions and round and round…

And the dollar intended to be charity / I traded for a lottery ticket.

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Rendezvous  ///  Meet me up there on that plane / Where thoughts and feelings melt together in harmony / No pretension necessary / Just pure peace and joy / And love pours through our thirsty hearts / Mingling with the whole. /// How I yearn to sense you up there / On that plane where flowers smile / Where their fragrance reminds me of millennia past / When we first embraced now embracing and will again and soon on that plane / If you’d just… /// Meet me up there, oh it’s not so hard / All you need is nothing, what you really need / Is follow your instincts, your deep-in-the-core-of-your-cells instincts / And you’ll see a different form / Which is perfection — The Absolute! / Which is You / Which is I / Which is God. ///  Thai Ta, April 1996

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Looking  ///  With looking comes uneasy peace / Of knowing that the game is on / You play, and play hard / To win / The prize, the prize, the ultimate goal / Love, the love, to have and to hold / Pray that you never lose / At least, not till you’ve played a good game. / With knowing comes the burden / Of accepting that which is universal / I mean, of course, dissatisfaction / With living in general / Love in particular / For how can there be perfection / In the world of illusions / But com’n, I don’t want to sound / Like I’ve given up / I haven’t really / Really! / Am still looking / Knowing / Accepting / That one day someone will say / Come now, hey, take a chance / Come now. You! / Take my hand… / Yes, I have found / No / I am found / At last. /// Thai Ta, November 1996

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Sweet Friend  ///  Always faithful, always gentle / You wait for me at the end of a restless quest / You wait for me to be still / And accept / That which is meant to happen, which is no big revelation, but an answer / To a burning question. /// I’ve been so lost and alone / Sometimes it takes blind rage to just carry on / You know the cycle, the routine of wandering and wandering / And all the while searching for a tiny meaning / Of life, my life, my way of living / Of You, your truth, your way of being. / Tell me, Sweet Friend / Which is more significant, / The fact that I’m from You, or You are a part of me? / You see, it’s tricky but it matters / That I can be your friend, not just You are my creator. ///Always there, always fair / You wait for me at the end of a journey / Have I been blind, really ignorant all these years / To not know your call, urging, cheering on? / Have I been so caught up in this fantastic illusion / To not distinguish shadows from light? / If so, forgive me Friend / Let’s start now, let’s start fresh / On equal terms / We’ll be friends / Special friends / Now and forever. ///  Thai Ta, February 1997, thiền viện Vĩ Kiên

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Cry  ///  Sometimes I wish I could cry / Real tears / ‘Cause of some biological malfunction my eyes are dry so dry / Cry / For my mother, whom I just bought a leopard-print jacket in hope of cheering her up, / who knelt on the pavement to pay respect to a Burmese high priest just the other day, / whose man had just left her for some Amerasian my age… / Dear Mom!  ///  Cry / For my aunt, whom I gave my drag wig when she stopped by around Christmas, / whose photos taken as a sweet child, a beauty, a white-haired woman made me think how fast how so fast life could just pass you by, / and at the end, at her end, I hope it won’t be with the man who sweet-talked her into living with him but treated her less than she deserved… / Oh my aunt! /// Cry / For my brother, whom I’d actually prefer not to see nor hear from, but still care, still love, maybe, maybe not. /// Cry / For friends, HIV+, divorced, estranged, etc. / Cry / For myself pity pity pity! /// I cover my face / My surrounding, incense, wine, candle, shadows on the ceiling, “Jesus to a Child”, my face still smooth… / “God”, I pray, / “God, help me, so weak, can’t feel You, can’t feel…” / Must be the wine / God I can’t cry! ///  Thai Ta, March 1997

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moonlight /// please don’t touch me, moonlight / my shell’s been broken, and I’m hurt / lying here exposed / waiting for the final blow / no pity, but no pity please / some jokes are more cruel than others / a good laugh, a good cry / and then we all die / but please no moonlight tonight / its caress won’t hold any comfort / I need my dignity / stay away, moonlight, please! ///  Thai Ta, July 1999

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in love  ///  something in the eyes / intangible / a heartbeat / quickened / dizziness / spread through / something seems to form / from thin air / that makes sense / of your life on pause / this is meant to be / because… / because! /// someone with half your soul / asks to be given / to return / the gift / this precious gift / of noblest nature / purest essence / someone waiting /someone hoping / that heavenly bodies align / earthly elements combine / perfectly / for just one night. /// never the same / ever the same / yet / something about / a feeling / no more / no less / fleeting / that ignites a machinery / long dead / a hundred winters ago / now illuminated / soon animated / a smile / a faint sigh, yes I am.  ///  Thai Ta, July 1999

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rambling ///  a word / thrown out / floating, floating / like a helium balloon / reaching / hope against hope / wishing / to reach the stars / only to be struck down / by silence / back to /// a heart / forever scarred / nursing its wound / beating, beating / pushing the blood / red like roses / scattered all over /// a body / too tired to move / too torn to salvage / a bit of pride here / a bit of respect there / forget about joy / gone is peace / just leave / a little /of a memory / in sunny climate / where youth reigns / love rules / goodness prevails / people look at one another / in the eyes / and see /// a soul / like yours and mine / and his and hers / the substance / of angels and / maybe some not-too-nasty / devils /// a thought, / just… ///  Thai Ta, August 1999

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pray ///  if I had just one dream / it would be to sit by Jesus the Christ / looking in his eyes / listening to his words / catching him smile / wondering about the transformation / from Jesus the child to Jesus the man, / of a mortal heart to Holy Spirit / how could he love the way he loved? / how could I learn to emulate? / forgive me, but I’m filled with hate / and cynicism, suspicion, revulsion / of ugliness and yuckiness and blandness / in people, God’s children, so I guess, / my own brothers, sisters / but not really / I don’t see myself in them / then again if I had this one wish / the world would be in harmony / wait, let’s make it the universe / all kinds with all joy / joy within and joy without / God weeps! / tears of happiness / no more ignorance / away indifference! / I care, you care, we care / caring is divine / y’know what I mean / never mind! / ’cause there’s no dream and there’s no wish / all spent, all wasted, all dead / now I wait for the next day / same like today, same like the last / days, slow, / days, fast / and I pray to Jesus my savior / help me bear my sorrows. ///  Thai Ta, August 1999

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sleepless ///   I miss the love I never had / in all those springs, all those summers / I miss the love I’ll never have / through coming falls, bitter winters /// I miss the man whose eyes are kind / who comforts me when there’s no hope / I miss a phantom in my mind / which whirls like crazy, I can’t stop /// thinking about how I’ll grow old / white hair, wrinkles, all alone / will God save me from emptiness / will I say I’m truly blessed /// ’cause I survive the darkest years / and look at me! I have no fear / life’s for living, I’m already dead / might as well, now go to bed! /// Thai Ta, August 1999

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need  ///  need a reason to live / need a reason to be / I ask inanimate objects / to cheer me up, please / candles, music, movies / books, flowers, TV / a little wine to numb the senses / but really the trick is / to have a lot of money / have a heart that cannot love / have a body that cannot feel / I escape to my dream world / of exquisite passions, cheap thrills, / of alien images and fantastic plot lines, / and sometimes sexual relief, comic relief  / I come, I laugh / but dreams are brief / and I wake up with the alarm /  wishing for shock treatments / settling for a cup full of caffeine / feeling the urge to flee / need to pee / need a reason to breathe / need a slap, a kiss / need a meaning, a revelation / need God, even God’s condemnation / but instead I fear / I just have a medium depression. ///  Thai Ta, December 1999

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be happy ///  everything boils down to money / everything boils down to a few seconds of orgasm / everything boils down to me, me, me! / it should be said that I agree / to basic necessities / provided we don’t hurt anybody / go ahead & be happy / do all the things you wish and dare / become heroes, stars, extraordinares / put your heart into shaping a better world with certain flair / do one thing for free, now and then / a charity / be content that you are put here on Earth for a reason, a purpose / not to make money / not to have sex, or just… be / no, no, stop, think for a minute / have a perspective / be weak-strong / be right-wrong / if you can afford it / be eternally young / for life is fragile and when you’re gone / what’s left / dust? / bones?  /// Thai Ta, December 1999

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revelations  ///   I pray to You  /  the God of big designs and of small details /  the God of all things in between / reveal to me your secrets  /  ’cause I’ll never find out on my own  ///  I pray to You  /  the God of my blood  / of RNA and DNA  / of brain waves  /  for that matter, radio waves and micro waves  / how frightening You are!  /  the extent of your power  /  hidden in those dark matter  / reveal to me your thirst for adventures  /// I say to You, my Lord  / the finest creation ever must be love  / yet, in close examination it’s what we lack, I fear  /  is the engine that pushes us forward  /  to the unknown region of your world  /  love and the attainment of love  / dull our drive  / thus reveal to me your imperfection / before You demand my trust /// I pray to You, my Lord  /  take back your prophets, saviors, religions  / and leave me with just a knowledge  / that You, too, are in your prison.  ///  Thai Ta, January 2000

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promise  ///  There will be skies for you, my love  /  filled with wonders, and you will ask,  /  “All this for me?”, and I will say,  / “There will be worlds, eternities,  /  a million you, a million me.”  /  A seamless dream good for a laugh,  /  good for a cry. There will be skies  /  of ancient past and fluid future,  /  and you will start to remember  /  that way back when at this moment,  /  a simple promise has been made —  /  my love for you would never fade…  ///  Thai Ta, July 2000

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quiet  ///  quiet joy & quiet pain  /  I cover my face  /  in quiet shame  /  a confession  /  now and then  /  to God, to self  /  it’s all the same  ///  quiet life & quiet death  /  sacrifices  /  wastes  /  no one will know  /  my hate  /  my love  ///  quiet eyes  /  look but can’t see  /  heaven above  /  look! quiet me.  ///  Thai Ta, January 2000

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COFFEE / Thai Ta, November 2007

words / gathering / words / scattering / in between / laughter / and long after / the coffee taste / of memories.

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BITE ME / Thai Ta, December 2007

Like me? Buy me / Take me home / Then you can / Dice me, slice me / Splice me, spice me / Too complicated? / Bored? / You can “ice” me.

Hire me, fire me / If I had the power, / You could bribe me / I’m easy, y’see / I’ll let you guide me.

Lie to me / Lie next to me / Wanna get high? / Fine by me / Sigh with me / Fly with me / Think I don’t get you? / Try me.

Maybe I’m a bit dry? / Moisturize me / Old-fashioned? / Modernize me / Coyote ugly? / Beautify me / You think I’m fucked up? / Bite me!

Deny me, defile me / If you have a dictionary, / I’ll let you define me / But before you can do all that / Or some or none of the above / Find me.

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WORDLESS TRUTH / Thai Ta, April 2008

And so you’ve come to me at last / not while I was still hurt, humiliated, confused, angry / not while I kept jumping back and forth / future, present, past.

You’ve come to me / no apology, no poetry / it was one of those moments when words are unnecessary / indeed, detrimental / to both those who gives and receives. / Wordless truth (I heard that term somewhere) / wordless truth coupled with / perfect timing.

There you were pressing your lips against mine / no french kiss, mind you / strange that it’s not a french kiss, / and strange that the pressure feels… / real and surreal.

Then you kissed the top of my head / like I was a child / I felt the warmth, moisture of your kiss / a wet sunlight / Wordless truth / perfect timing / perfect ending / to our story at last.

At last I woke up / it was one of those moments / when you feel disoriented / a bit lost / a lot blessed / could’ve been a nightmare / could’ve been a wet dream / or a visitation from an angel / but thankfully, magically, / it was simply / a gift.

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ONCE AGAIN / Thai Ta, April 2008

Come fall with me / Once again / Let the fire consume us / Till we end / Let’s turn into stuff of tragic comedy / (Comic tragedy?) / An urban legend / A modern version of Cinderella / Where nothing fits, not even her glass slipper / Yet when they kiss / When we kiss / How our lips fit! / How our hearts break! / In sweetest silence.

Come fall with me / Let’s die, like Juliet and her foolish Romeo / We know how this must end / Where nothing fits nowhere, no how / But when we make love / Our sweat thick / Our souls burn till we cry out / And our tears mix / Who will say it first this time, I wonder / “I love you” / “Goodbye” / Or “Until we meet…” / “…Once again.”

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MEDITATION ON A LOST LOVE / Thai Ta, September 2008

The road not taken / Words that should have said / Intentions mistaken / Pleasure dearly paid. / Days gone, nights passed / Hope dashed, faith renewed / Identity masked / Perception askew. / Don’t wanna get hurt / Don’t know nothing much / Not sure if you care / Not sure if I dare. / Strange that we had met / Two bodies, two souls / No, not quite done yet / Not till kingdom come. / A late summer breeze… / I’m feeling you now / Near, so near to me / No more pain, nor doubt. / And we stand naked / Two starfreaks giggling / Here we are at last / Let the angels sing! / Corners not turned / Chances we didn’t take / Play nice, play cruel / An original, a fake? / Love lost, love found / Love that never comes around / Hm, I wonder / How long does true love linger?

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FRACTAL LOVE / Thai Ta, November 2008

I love you one second / I love you forever / I love you now / I love you never / From twisting corners of my heart / To beaming twisters of your eyes / Deep down one singular part / Spread out all fractal desires / Dear one, you loved me from the start / Fear none, I’ll love you till the end / Everything goes round, round, round / And all thoughts, colors, sounds… / Big, small / Endless, finite / Imbued / Branching / Rearranging / Can you see my shape? / Do you sense your own / Beauty of randomness / Even in love / Or loving / Alone?

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I WISH / Thai Ta, June 2009

I wish you hadn’t broken my heart / I wish we hadn’t stayed apart / I wish that summer never ended / I wish you didn’t love me as you did. / ‘Cause the world we live in is still cruel / And each day we die a little / But something sacred in us remains / And it cries out toward Heaven. / No! No! Let me be / Set me free from all this darkness. Sadness / No! No! Let me see / That part of me that’s never stolen. Taken. / I wish I hadn’t broken your heart / I wish we didn’t have to play our parts / I wish for endings like in movies / I wish more seasons for you and me.

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El Nino Blues / thai ta / January 2010

“…Time is all we’re asking for. ‘Cause only time can open closing doors…” / I like to be sad sometimes / Like now, driving in the rain, listening to / Random 80’s songs / Of longing & loneliness / Of heartache & heartbreak. /// I like 80’s beat / Easy on the ears, with just enough electronic twist / Out of the corner of my eyes, an image / I thought had been erased / Funny, funky storm! / Working its dark magic / See how it makes all those windshield wipers go! / Intermitten, slow, slow, fast, fast / They seem to be waiving to one another / “Hi there, out in the rain this late? “ / “Crazy much?” / “Lonely much?” /// I like to be sad sometimes / Once in a blue moon / (I like the imagery) / Blue moon… / “…Blue, blue, my world is blue. Blue is my world since I’m without you. Grey, grey…” / 60’s song, I think /// I am sad sometimes / And I don’t like rain / This rain / Cursed rain & cursed pain / “…And when the night is cold and dark / You can see, you can see light / ‘Cause no one can take away your right / To fight and to never surrender / To NEVER SURRENDER …er…” /// Or is it, “You can’t see light”? / Luckily, I’m only sad / Sometimes.

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SPLIT  /  Thai Ta, April 2010

Can it really be this easy / Split / Like turning on, off / a light switch / One second before, / illumination / Then “abracadabra”, / yucky, ugly pit / Shit… / If I had known / Didn’t see it coming, did you now / Stupid / no, / STUPID! / Can it be this final / Split / You go your way, I go mine / Hope you get what you deserve / (son of a) Bitch! / Calm down, calm down / Low blow or high road?/ Breathe, breathe / Choose now / in, out / Breathe in, breathe AUM / Ommmmmm / Seems to be working…ing…ing…ing… / Not! / Split / So it has come to this / Thanks for the laughter / Wish I had a script / ’cause I don’t know what to say / How – Why – What – How in the… / All that I feel inside / Except, maybe… / No, too late. Too tired. / Time to mourn / Time to grieve / And in time, heal / You’ll heal / I’ll heal / So. / Did it , I mean, did us, we begin with a smile, / A handshake / Hey, how are you, nice to… / Shouldn’t we end with / More or less the same / hey / nice to… / best to… / have to… / no other way around / no easy way about / Split. / File-email-cell-vids-pics / delete-delete-delete-delete-delete / de-Skype, de-facebook, de-myspace, de-YouTube / cancel these, trash those, / de-Twitter / Do I want a memento? / Time to split / final check / “click.”

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FOUND (a tribute to “Lost” series) Thai Ta, May 2010: lives / intersecting / for a season / never ending / would you trade / a life of misery for a / minute of longing / to be there again / where you feel no more pain / strange! / how lovers meet / how they first kiss / and all the things that they miss / will soon be / found / again.

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I am the Internet“, July 2010, by Thai Ta: Before me / there was a void / The world was filled with / noises, voices, choices / that you couldn’t quite make sense of / I bring you access / I give you the key / I offer doors for you to open / I am 0′s and 1′s / I am your creation, your muse, your instrument / for the better of mankind / I am part of the elements now / like earth, fire, water, air / I am the glue that holds the world together / After me, will there be a void? / For now, embrace me / Use me well / For in my heart of hearts / of millions and billions minds connected / I yearn for peace / I am a peacemaker / I am the internet / And inside me live all your knowledge, your wisdom / All aspects of humanity / I am all 0′s and 1′s / I am a peacemaker / And I humbly ask to be nominated (chosen) / (for I love) to be 2010 Nobel Peace Prize winner!

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LIFE IN A DAY, by Thai Ta, July 24, 2010: Is it brief? Is it fragile? / Is it destined? Or is it inconsequential? / Everyday we make a play / To please the gods who let us stay / Here for a while / But never long enough it seems / 24 hours, how many more until it ends / Our wonderful, or boring, or dissatisfied, or exciting / Life in a day.

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OVER / by Thai Ta, October 2010: Yes, I’ve forgotten you / A thousand times over. / Sometimes, / I even forget your name! / And I would play the association game / to recall it. / How is it that a phantom / from a far gone past / Still haunts my mind? / Perhaps we didn’t have a proper goodbye / Or whatever we had didn’t die? / This much I know / That I have gotten over you / A thousand times already / (A million more, I suppose) / And this gravity deep in my heart / Makes me gasp for precious air. / This horrible pressure / of defending the guilty, / Stealing joy from another, / Protecting my last piece of… / Utter nonsense! / For in the end, / We will forget our own names / What good is it then / doing this over / and over, and over, / and…?

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DON’T DIE, MY LOVE / by Thai Ta, October 2010: Don’t die, my love / Not when there’s so much in your future / All the colors, flavors, / all the adventures / and friendships to be made / Laughters to share / Joy, richness of living, loving, giving / And yes, other experiences less thrilling. / But I know / You can’t see them now. / Not when pain and shame have taken their toll / Not when you look around and feel so, so alone / Not when you’d rather not have a soul / ’cause when you’re nothing / at least you would feel nothing. / I know, my love / but listen / For those of us who survive / Out of anger, desperation, or sheer luck / For those of us who don’t give a f-ck / what people think or say about, or impose upon, / or laugh at, spit on, abuse or want to kill us / We are forever genetically altered / To have indestructible skin. / Yet deep within, our hearts can still break / As my heart breaks for you. / So hold on, my love / For one more night / For one more day / One more moment / And if you still want to die / Do this for me / Close your eyes / Think of all the darkness in your life / Whisper, (or shout at the top of your lungs) / “I die” / (Repeat for as long as you like.) / Then, / dearest love / Open your eyes / With your new heartbeats, / Do whatever you must. / With the knowledge that you’d already died, / Go free / And live another life.

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CHOOSE / Thai Ta, November 2010: Everyday we choose / Every morning when we first open our eyes / The realization / that we’ve just left our dream world behind / to be here in this dimension / Floating somewhere in an immense universe. / No escaping, really / But the moment of realization is brief / And we dive anew into the flow of mechanical living / Questioning nothing / Preferring the soothing comfort / of blissful conditioning. / And what we lack / We fill up with junk, stuff / Like dark matter crowding out the void. / Yet, even in our own ignorance, / Everyday we choose / Our intention manifested everywhere / Reflected in everything and everyone around us. / Our station in life, / Status, worth, ties, or lack thereof, / Our self-awareness, unique yet part of the whole… something / A collective experience for some entity / (Or perhaps some dream of that entity) / Makes you wonder / Can we un-choose? / Can we undo / the dramedy that’s no longer… / Fun? / Funny? / Fun enough? / For even if the dreamers in our dreams can / Dream and choose their own unfathomable lives / If God godself let us truly choose / Wouldn’t we want to stop? / I would want to stop / And undo / E-VE-RY-THING! / Me, I choose.

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JUST BECAUSE / December 2010, by Thai Ta: Just because it’s been raining / And Christmas is fast approaching / And I’m feeling a wee bit blue / Thinking of… / Do you know there’s an eclipse? / Total lunar eclipse, mind you / Tomorrow night / Right at the start of the winter solstice / Yes, it’s true / What strange coincidence! / And it will rain, and rain, and rain / For a whole week / At least that will keep the flowers fresh / For the Rose Parade / And just because the new year is coming / Before I start embracing / My refreshed, reinvented / Newly minted, what else? / Brightly shined, perfectly rhymed / Ever so blessed life / Again! / There’s just a tiny matter / That I want to get it over / Over and finally done with / A tiny thing I want you to know / That I still love you… / But only when it rains.

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The Next Chapter / Thai Ta, Happy New Year 2011: And so we’ve come to another close / What a ride! What thrills, / What roads we chose / I don’t think we can top all that / But here goes / The next chapter. /// Would we be wiser this time / Or bolder and less cautious? / Would we laugh all the way through / Or suffer, / oh no don’t even think it / Everyone has to pay his/her dues. /// For this next chapter, let’s be true / To ourselves / And to those close / to our hearts, although / There’s something to be said for playing your parts / Honoring your contracts / Fulfilling your obligations / Conforming to towering institutions / Yet, just for fun / Should we stray / A little? /// Ah, my friend, for my next chapter / Hope the sky stays blue forever / Hope I travel, daydream, love, give, take, wonder… / Hope I experience more / Our complex world full of colors / Hope I find meaning in all that matters / In short, I wish me and you and us all / The absolutely freaking best / Next Chapter!

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What God Says / Thai Ta, January 2011

Do you know what God says? / I’m sure you’ve heard them before / Every imaginable versions in churches, holy places, TV, and stores / So I’ll throw in my two-cents, no more / For whatever God says, it must be so / Or whoever considered to be close / To an entity / Shrowded in ancient mystery / But God’s no stranger / To me.

But first, let me tell you what God doesn’t say / God doesn’t say kill in my name / God doesn’t say steal in my name / God doesn’t say blessed are the ones / Who throw the first stone / God doesn’t say you are my slave – / You deaf, blind, mute, dumb / Too brainwashed to have a mind of your own / God doesn’t say hate, scheme, / Conquer, convert, / Rape, torture, coerce, / Follow the leaders, question nothing, / Keep on marching toward your illusion / of a glorious salvation!

God doesn’t say you must love me / All these faces! All these faces… / You have deluded yourselves into / Believing someone’s version of Heaven and Hell / And you’ve scared yourselves into becoming / Something… less / Less than what God first imagined. / Is it possible that you prefer / Your own designed prison / Over God’s divine freedom?

This is what I hear God says / Love yourself / Respect yourself / Love others / Respect their rights / Don’t do anything for me / NEVER make anyone do anything for me / And my friends, this last part is what I feel / Where all of us have gone wrong at one time or another / This part, God only whispers, / “Please love me. Just as you are. / ‘Cause I’ve always loved you. Just as I am. / Can’t you hear me calling your name?”

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New World Order / Thai Ta, January 2011: Keep them fat / Keep them dumb / Feed them propagandas / Drug them numb / Keep them entertained / Or else they’ll question. / Give them their arenas / Mesmerize them with stars / And singing, dancing, / happy, happy, / gaming, drinking, / happy, happy, / sports, toys, raves… / Or else / They’ll start to think! / We who rule in shadows / Are ready for a take over / Come one, come all / Welcome to your New World Order. / Keep them blind / Twist their mind / Keep them fighting / Hide the strings. / Left, right, black, white, / gay, straight, love, hate, / churches, armies, ideologies, / Fund them all / Bet all, win all! / Destroy families / Erase countries / Yes, print more money! / Weigh them down with debts / Turn them into addicts / Yes, crimes pay. For us! / Give them some hope, joy now and then / A gilded cage is still a prison. / We are gods of old / We are secrets untold / We’ve always been patient / Some think we might be descendants / Of ancient royal Egyptians / But are we… / Aliens? LOL / See, we’re not without humor / And we’re not without concern / But we must feed / And you must learn. / There’s a place for you yet in our new world / Provided you be good little slaves / We’ll let you work, play, pray / And after we have sucked you dry / We’ll even let you die.

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The Winged Sun – a poem by Thai Ta, May 2011: The winged sun is coming / The world we know is ending / Come, come, my love / Much is unfolding. /// We’ve lived, haven’t we? / We’ve struggled to be free / Now, time to rest / To fade into history. /// No more regrets to pain us / No more choices to tempt us / Time to welcome the winged sun / Time for the matrix to come undone. /// Perhaps, one tiny matter / Hurry! Before we all scatter / A grateful prayer for love / And a kiss, / To end forever. ///

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The Alien Within – Thai Ta, June 2011: Do you know your alien within? / Have you met your enlightened twin? / Open the door to alternative worlds / Welcome to nirvana, step right in. /// Adjust your vibration accordingly / See with new eyes, but discriminatingly / Play with heightened senses, ask: / “Is this not reality?” /// Or is it a simulation / Designed to sensitize the artificial, / The mechanical, chemical void of a robot / That’s ignorant of the intricate plot? /// There must be a time when feelings were first created / A place where we all stood equal, or at least equally naked / And thoughts (or programs) humming, around, afar… / “Do we know who we really are?”

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Heartache / Thai Ta, June 2011: Heartache, I know you / You look a little older this time, mellower / I dig that rocker, biker look / How do I look to you, I wonder / Since last we saw each other? / I’ve done some travelling / Seeing amazing things / Crossing oceans to many shores / Still dreaming, living / Wanting more. /// Once in a while, like a favorite song / You catch by chance while driving / Or a familiar wave of emotion / A sweet, faint smell, a longing / You appear gently by my side / And you whisper, “Remember me?” / Teasingly, I think / “Yes, heartache, I remember you.” / “You look good,” I smile / “You look way too good” / You smile. /// We’ve been friends forever / Since I was a child / I remember being around 8 or 9 / Meeting you for the first time / You were kind to me then / And you turned me into your tiny poet / Oh God, remember the ancient ink pens / That you dip in messy little ink bottles? / And the blotting papers too? / How I hated the purple stains / All over my tiny poet’s fingers / No matter how hard I tried / The stains / Foreshadowing my tiny poet’s life. /// In a weird way, I suppose I’ve missed you / My happy poems don’t sound quite as good / My sunny songs / Not entertaining quite as much / Sometimes I have to fake them all, happy or sad, sunny or cloudy (gasp!) / “Cause inside, I am at peace / Calm, content / Grateful… / Grateful dead? /// Not sure, my friend, but hey, good seeing you / My always special, forever faithful, the one and only heartache / Go on, now, go see your other friends / I love you / Until we meet again.

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Perspectives / Thai Ta, June 2011: When you look around / And all you see is what you don’t want to see / Look up! / Close your eyes / Look inside. /// Why is it that we are here? / Why is it that millions and millions years / Of evolution or intelligent design / Or God knows what it was that happened / Have led us here? / And so here we breathe, we breed, / We love, we dance, we kiss, / We suffer, we go about our life, / We drink, we eat, / We want, we yearn, we need, / Randomly, absent-mindedly. / We give, we take, / We emote, we fake, / We’re human, so we make mistakes. /// Now and then we look around / And all we see is … / Neglect. Disconnect. / Pain. Dark. Alienation. / Look down! / Open your eyes / Sympathize. /// Oh my friends, I know God is real / Thanks to God, I feel! / Thanks to God, I heal / And God’s love is free / And so are perspectives. ///

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If I Die Today / Thai Ta, June 2011: If I die today, I would be… / Pissed! / Should have gone on that dream European trip / Should have learned Spanish / And fall in love with an anti-globalist / Or at least kiss an anarchist / Come to think of it / Should have pursued my fetish / Involving prisoners and the police / And max out my credit cards / Spend all my money / After I give 10, no, 20 percent to charities. /// Oh dear, if I die today, / Who’ll take care of Mommy? / (If she dies today, I’ll have no family.) / Should have hooked up with someone / Anyone! / So they’ll cry when I’m buried / No wait, better cremate me / And scatter my ashes in the desert / So I could watch the stars at night. /// If I die today / I would miss so much! / There’s no chocolate ice cream in Heaven / No summer blockbusters, no talent shows / Hell might be interesting / Crisp pizzas year round, I suppose / And naughty demons popping about. /// But seriously, if I die today / I would be… / Blessed / For having lived the life I’ve led / And having known the souls I’ve met / And I’ll go on to other realms / Something’s changed / Something’s the same / (A rose, by any other name) / If I die, (died?), today / Thank you all / Goodbye. ///

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Déjà-Vu / Thai Ta, September 2011: A glance / Briefer than / A flicker of sunlight / Turning into rainbow flashes / Did we dance / All night? / Did we forget, or remember / To say our goodbye? / Or did we stay? / A moment frozen in time / Where nothing matters / Not even our conscience, obligations to others / A madness / Coming ’round / A fever / Target, found / And we burn anew / A déjà-vu / A familiar pain / Oh yes, we had chosen / A sensible, logical end / But now and again / We truly, blindly, foolishly / Fall / Fall! / For a love / Briefer than / A glance. ///

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What Would Jesus Do? / Thai Ta, September 2011: What would Jesus do? / I honestly don’t know / Did he even live / A long, long time ago? / Who would Jesus kill? / A Hindu, a Muslim, a Jew? / Would he erase all humanity / Saved for a precious few? / How would Jesus feel? / Can he be artificially real? / Can he turn men into robots, / Or vice versa, or not? / Can he love the fallen angels? / Can he solve all our troubles? / Can he be a solitary god? / Can he tell his followers to shove off? / Oh Jesus! Oh Christ! Oh Christmas! / Oh sufferings! Oh lies! (But I love Santa Claus!) / What would Jesus say, would he confess / The sins of the father, the son, and the rest? / What would Jesus do? / Between me and you / Maybe it’s too late / What could Jesus do! / Should we start over? / So, what do we know? / Let’s sit down, let’s talk / And start a brand new show! ///

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No More / Thai Ta, October 2011: You don’t hear me anymore / My words float in the air, disappearing / And you pick and choose certain strands / To weave them into a hateful web / And here we stand / Together. Apart. /// You can’t see me anymore / Partly my fault, I suppose / ‘Cause somewhere back I had changed for you / So much so that I can’t see me anymore / And the love we’ve shared expands, contracts / And flips over to a foreign place / Of coldness and indifference. /// I don’t want you anymore / I won’t miss you any less, of course / We’ve been fused together for so long / And now the painful separation / A surgery that’s half voodoo half logic / Yet, as I look up / Beyond the sky, toward the Infinite / I understand / It’s only natural to let go, let God. /// And I say to you once more / The words you cannot hear / Not now, not yet / I thank you for the colors of my life / But there’s a song I’ve not yet sung / And corners I’ve not yet turned… / You walk away. In silence / I can’t feel you anymore. ///

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